Wednesday, 24 September 2008

Matchmaker...Matchmaker

These photos are about 28 years old
when color film was a rarity in India
we three sisters were studying in a Convent
and life was young and fresh L-R Anju, Amrita, Namrita holding baby Raj our cousin

L-R Amrita, Namrita holding Raj and Anju
(names shortened for security reasons)
The reason for posting these photos is that last weekend
Aunt Ree, Raj 's Mom rang me up and asked
me to find a 'nice girl ' for him.
I must add that I was quite flattered by her confidence in me, it must be the grey in my hair!
In India traditionally arranged marriages are popular, but of course a lot of young people are going in for love marriages and partners of their choice.

Aunt Ree 's husband Uncle R is my Mom 's first cousin. They are very affluent. Raj, now 28 years old has a good job, and since he is the only child, he is a good catch.

Unfortunately they are traditional Christians...upscale by the world 's standards but nowhere in God 's kingdom.

I gave her polite answers. Mainly because we move in born-again circles and suggesting matches these days is pretty dicey because if the marriage develops problems, you can get blamed.

This afternoon Aunt Ree called again and said she found 2 local girls.

Girl A works in a private institution

Girl B works in a Government institution

She wanted Mama and me to help them make a choice.

We could have done Eena...Meena..Mina...Moe

because we don 't know the girls and their families are known to us only by their names.

But she really insisted that Mama give her some input, since she is the eldest cousin sister and has married off her daughters very well.

I prompted some guidelines to Ma

1.Don 't look for a girl from a wealthy background as you already have enough so you don 't need a dowry or more stuff.

2. The girl should be of sound character , God-fearing and good natured. (They know our testimony - we have evangelized them)

3. The girl should be well educated and compatible with your son.

But she wanted to choose between the girls working in the
a) Private place
b) Government concern
We sided with the Government as the salary is higher and there are additional benefits plus a life-long pension.
Now lets see which side the camel lies (English translational of an Indian proverb)
I 'll be sure to post the wedding pictures and more.
_____________________________
Yesterday there was a bomb scare in a posh business building a short distance down our road.
Someone called an air-hostess training centre that they were going to blow up the building in 20 minutes.
There was high panic and the place was evacuated.The bomb disposal squad examined the premises and found nothing, it was a hoax.
But every call has to be taken seriously.

19 Fertilize my soul:

Sita said...

..."Eenie..meenie...minee.." Girl, you totally crack me up...even in the West, Indians still spread the 'word' when they are looking for a suitable 'match'...
maybe you and Mom could open a 'side career' in the matchmaking realm with the byword..."pray for wisdom!"

JO said...

Nice post - i like the old pics

I hope you are doing well.

Thoughts and prayers for you.

Carol-Ann. said...

Hmm -- so the son has no say in this at all ... or the girl?

Did he at least help in the elimination process: "I'd like to marry either of these two girls ... I know them ... our personalities and life-views are compatible" ... etc.

Does she have any chance for an input or would she simply be ridiculed for snubbing "a good catch". Suppose her flame has already been lit by a dashing young colleague whose desk is beside hers in the government office?

You can just imagine this type of scenario in the grip of one skilled at weaving throbbing, fictional romance fraught with emotional turbulance and tragedy!

Have a go at it, Amrita! Blog world would be lining up to purchase their own personal copy from lulu.com!

Renae said...

Blessings, Amrita.

Ladyfromthewoods said...

Amrita,
I just wanted to leave a comment to say "hello" and to let you know that I just recently found your blog through a comment you left for Louise at Corem Deo. Your blog is so full of inspiring accounts of your country and your faith, you are now one of the first blogs I read every morning.
Blessings to you,
Teresa

Susan Kelly Skitt said...

Wow, they still pick over there, huh? Amazing! Such a different culture. I can't imagine anyone picking for me, but I suppose as I take things to God, He does the leading and chosing anyhow, right?

Take care! And wow about that bomb scare.

monsoon-dreams said...

amrita,
helping with match making is a difficult thing,true,u could be blamed all ur life if there r problems in their life.
i'm really sad about the bomb blasts in our country.nowhere is safe now.i cant understand what these people get out of destroying inncoent people's lives.
hope mama is fine.

Julia Dutta said...

Hahaha! Amrita, I enjoyed this one! But I say - "and since he is the only child, he is a good catch" - what if the mother is too possessive of her only son and develops early symptoms of turning "green"! In fact, only yesterday as I was leaving home for office, I received a call from a nephew from the US, who is the younger of two boys and is getting married in November...and what do you know, his tales about his mother bordered around the same "green" and all that before the wedding. I nearly fainted to think what it might be after the marriage!

Lovely pictures!
Julia

Hannatu said...

Very nice blog and I am pleased to meet you this way! This morning in our monthly Day of Prayer we prayed for your country and for the Christians who are being persecuted there. Stand strong in Him.

Amrita said...

Yeah, Carol Ann,
I could entile my thesis Marriages Made in india.

I am sure they the he and she will be asked if they "like" each other etc. etc.

They certainly have a choice to say No.In the more traditional families that is not allowed.You don 't even get to see your spouse untill the day of the wedding or sometimes after it (not among Christians tho)

Matching making is dangerous these days. Many alliances are breaking up, and the relatives can blame you for introducing them. So keep away.

I should do a post about how Prem and Anju got married.When she said; Let me pray about it". Someone said,"Prem is so good, first say Yes and then pray"

All this reminds me of Portia and Bassanio.

Amrita said...

Thank you Jeff. Your Peruvian blog is fascinating. In India we also have a curry made with cow brain. its very rich, hot and spicey. We make it with fresh meat.

And yes some Pastors also air devotions on the loud speakers, altho its not allowed anymore very early in the morning.

Once we were camping out in a church yard with a group of students from a MK school and the Pastor started devotional music at 4 am. Really made us mad. It was so loud we could not sleep.

I am so impressed with frontier missionaries. You are stepping outside the circle.
May God bless you and your whole family.

Amrita said...

Hi Jo thankyou for the visit. How is the little boy doing. I 'll come over and have a look

Gudl said...

It is a different culture!! No arranged marriages here, at least not that I know of. sometimes I wish I could arrange one for my sons ;-))
Thanks for stopping by my blog. I am very busy these days...not a lot of time for blogging! blessings to you!

Ladyfromthewoods said...

I remember working with a girl at college. (In 1994) She was from India. She planned to marry whomever her parents picked for her. I asked her more about it. She said, "Americans are always getting a divorce, so it proves to me that love marriages don't mean better marriages. My parents love me and I trust them. I know they will pick the best for me because they are wiser. Love will come, but it will be based on respect instead of fleeting lust." It really opened my eyes to arranged marriages.

I imagine there is a good chance that parents will know every bit as much as a young person could about their future spouse, but parents at least have the experience to look for warning signs or signs of financial stability, and so on. If only the parents chose based on all these things instead of only their finances!
Nice post!
Teresa

Roo said...

i love these photos!

Kimmie said...

Hi Amrita;

I love these photos of you and your sisters...you are so beautiful.

Wow, how interesting to hear of how a non-love marriage is arranged. Perhaps you should tell that you need some more time, as you want to put it to prayer and see what the Holy Spirit has to say.

Wouldn't that be grand?

xoxo
Love you my beautiful friend.

Kimmie
mama to 6
one homemade and 5 adopted

Carol-Ann. said...

Hi Amrita!
Just read your response comments and had to smile about your reference to Portia and Bassanio! At this moment Kinza is on a field trip to Stratford to see Hamlet. It is her first exposure to Shakespeare and I am chagrined to see all the on-line helps kids have these days for reading Shakespeare with ease. I had to constantly flip back and forth to the glossary at the back of the book until I got in the swing of the lingo -- now you simply have to move your cursor over a word and there is a pop-up definition! And for the truly slothful illiterate, there is a parallel modern-day English translation! I'm eager for her bus to arrive home tonight to find out what she thought of it all!

curious servant said...

I loved the pictures!

I am also grateful for your prayers and continual kind words.

I knew you would understand what the Kali reference meant.

I can't believe I was able to swallow the loving goddess image that accompanied her followers!

Enough said. I shudder when I think too much about it.

Anyway... I sure appreciate you, Sis!!!!

Julia Dutta said...

A little help Amrita,
I am trying to write on Climate Change in India and how it has impacted the surrounding, in any one critical place in India....what do you think is the most critical one to look at? Please suggest. Thank you!
Julia