Tuesday, 7 February 2012

Shadows and Light

In  past  few  days  I  have   been  walking in  a shadow-light  world.
It  all  started  when  my  mother  had  a  fall  on Dec  28th  and  was  admitted in hospital  on   the  29th. She   had  her  surgery on the  last  day  of 2011 (Dec  31st). She  came  home  on  Jan  8th.

My  sister  Namrita  had  arrived  on Jan  4th  and she  nursed  my  mother day  and  night  like  a  small  baby.
My elder  sister  Anju  and  her  husband  Prem arrived  on   Jan  20th.

  A  pressure  sore on  mother 's  back   took  on a  very  ugly  shape,  a  doctor  had  seen  her  twice,  but  it   was  not  getting   better  and  she   was  in  pain.  We  called a  specialist  who  advised  hospitalisation and  surgical  treatment.
She  did  not  do  good  after  that. The doctors  and  hospital  staff  were  very  indifferent and  did  not  treat  us  well.We  strongly  suspect  they  mucked  up   my  mum' s  treatment.
On  Sun  Jan  29th Mama  was  very  weak. But  she  expressed  a  desire  to  walk  and  get  well  and  live. Namrita  and  I   were  with  her.
In  the  afternoon  Prem  and  Anju came  to  relieve  us when  Mama  started  complaining   of  unbearable  stomach  ache - there   were  other   worrying  symptoms. A  nurse   gave her an  injection and  that  did  not  help  her.

We  all  stood  around  her  bed  praying  Prem  was  on  his   knees - it  was  like  a  dream  to  us. I  think  my  mother  had  a  vision  of heaven because  in  the  midst  of  her  pain  she  said,"The  is a great  crowd  here." We  were  praying  and  holding   her  hands  when  she  slipped  away. We  did not  realize  what  had   happened. But   the  angels   just  took  her.
We  brought  Mama  home   as  is  the  tradition  in India.And  for   the  next  24  hours  the  house  was  flooded   with  family  and   friends. We  received  countless  phone calls,  messages  and  emails  from all  over  the  world.Friends  we  had  not  been  in  touch  with   in  30   years  contacted  us. My  mother  had  touched  so  many  lives.

On  Feb 1st  we  had  a  beautiful  memorial service  for  her.  Mamrita  and  her  son  Rayguel  left  on  the  2nd.Now  I  am   trying  to  pick  up  the  pieces   of my  life.

I  never  thought  my  mom would  die  so   soon.I  have  to  rethink  my  whole  life and  start   all  over  again. Living  alone  scares   me.
Prem  and  Anju  will  be here  for  a  few   more  days.  They  are  very  kind  to  me.Without  my  sisters  help I  don 't   know  what  I  would  have  done.

We  are  trying  to  settle  some  church  issues and  plan  for  the  future. Need  a  lot  of  prayer  for   that.
I  can  visit  my  sisters for  a  while and  they  have  all  invited  me, I  need  God 's  guidance  for  my  future
.God  is   with   me.  He  never  forsakes his  children.Although I  pass  among  the  shadows  and  light  He  will come  to  me.

18 Fertilize my soul:

Kate said...

Oh, Amrita! I am so sorry! Your mother was your dearest friend and I share your grief. Your life will change, now. Remember to be very kind to yourself and to let the changes come in their own time. You will be ready for each new strand in your life when the time is right.

Felisol said...

Dear Amrita,
"even when I pass through the valley of death, you are with me."
I am grieving for you and your heavy loss.
You have stayed faithfully with your Mom and never left her, even though the burden must have been heavy.
I pray for you and for your church.
I pray for your present and your future. I know God has made his plans for you, to give you future and hope.
I shall follow you closely wherever you go.
Your Felisol

Gerry said...

Dear Amrita, I read your account of what has been happening to you and yours which brought tears to my eyes. Especially concerning your troubles with the church property, and now your troubled feelings about what you will do now your mother is gone, how you will go on without her. I know you are very strong and will find the right path in time. I am sure your mother was lifted up by angels, and it sounds like that many have been touched by both yours and your mother's example of faith and good works. My thoughts will be with you.

Julia Dutta said...

My dear Amrita,

God will take care of your every need, as it comes.

The fact of life is, no matter how many people are around us, we are always alone, more so, if we are spiritually bent.

I know a beloved friend of mine, June, in Pune, after her mother passed away, she opened the house and people come in and out, as if it were their house, bringing in goodies and even a meal, sharing this with her, and praying with her. It takes courage to be alone, but He provides that too.

My thoughts are with you and I said this too in FB, if there is anything I can do for you, do write in to: juliadutta@rediffmail.com

Julia with love:)

John Cowart said...

Dear Amrita,

Your blog of sadness and trouble also conveys triumph and hope.

Thank your for sharing this heavy load. Blessings on you.


Sandy said...

Dearest Amrita,
The Lord bless you and keep you and make His face to shine upon you and give you peace, His peace, that passes all understanding. He has promised to never leave you nor forsake you. You are loved with the
everlasting love of God and all your friends are praying for you and your church. I am so sorry for all that has happened.

Sita said...

Amrita, I have sensed the 'darkness' that has surrounded you for a while and know that God had placed His banner over you. Your agony of spirit moves me, has moved me for quite some time and I can only rest as I claim and trust in God's sovereignty over you. What a tremendous hole is now left that previously filled your life. I pray that you experience a filling of God's grace like you have never known and that you know that His glory fills the temple and overflows on to all of us who share in your journey. I love you dearly, Amrita. You are truly my sister. Upholding you in prayer. Love, thoughts and prayers, Sita

Lynda said...

I am praying for you Amrita, that God will envelope you with His love. He will never forsake you and He will guide you through this valley. His presence will be with you at all times, no matter what comes against you.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear mother. I walked through a dark valley when I lost my sweet mother, but God was with me.

Shelley said...

Dear Amrita,I was in prayer for you this morning as the Holy Spirit led...I pray that he will guide you,comfort you,meet all your needs in the days and weeks to come. I will continue to hold you up in prayer. May his many blessings be with you.

Crown of Beauty said...

God is your comfort, your strength, your Strong Tower, and your Mighty Deliverer.

Dearest Amrita, at this painful time of your life, I am praying for God's strong arms to be wrapped around you.

Praying for you, and keeping you close,
with much love


FlowerLady said...

Dear, dear Amrita ~ My heart goes out to you at this time. May you feel the Love, Light, Peace, Strength and Healing of Jesus surrounding you and flowing through you.

Love and hugs ~ FlowerLady

Retired Knitter said...

I know this is a difficult time. So many fires to pass through. You will come out the other side stronger. You are in my prayers.

Zim said...

I see You experienced real Biblical desert - desert with all this heat, problems and tires.
I prayed about You and other Christians in Northern India this week and previous.
I believe You will meet Your dearest Mum on the New Earth.

Anonymous said...

Oh Amrita, I'm so sorry you lost your Mother too soon. My heart aches for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Just think of the wonderful reunion we all will have with our loved ones in Heaven one day.
Please take you concerns to Jesus while you wade through these new waters.
Love in Christ, Sally

Jada's Gigi said...

dearest sister...know that your sisters round the world are embracing you in His love...you are not alone. God will provide as he provided the ram in the bushes...He is faithful!

Mari said...

Amrita, I am so sorry for your lost. I have not come buy in a while and today I am staying late to read my favorites and I find this sad news. May God comfort you and your family, and protect your church from any malicious intent.

My hugs

Ash said...

You are never alone, Amrita. His divine grace is always with you. The Lord is with you - every step of the way. I'm keeping you in my prayers...

Lots of love and hugs,

Saija said...

just reading this post and what you were going through with your mom's passing ... my heart & prayers go out to you dear sister - and we DO KNOW that God will continue to care for you as you remain faithful to Him ... blessings on your life and this next stage ...