Wednesday, 15 April 2009

Blue Like Jazz

That 's how I felt yesterday.
But I felt stronger today
as Ma showed willingness
to eat.
I tell you my friends
it is insufferably painful and baffling
to watch your parents (or elders)
decline physically.
Since my Dad died in 2004
I have started dreading illness and death.
I panic when someone close to me falls ill.
Maybe its PTSD, I don 't know.
I even have visions of my dog Sheeba dying and leaving me
in a terrible state.
Last year 4 family members passed away.
One was Aunt Sybil whom I cared for
5 years.
I feel, when the Lord calls my mother home
I will be left all alone.
Maybe I am over reacting.
but I know in the realm
of Paindom I am not alone.
There are many more
and they are facing greater hardships than I am.
That 's where Ephesians 6;10-18 fits in
10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
(Ephesians, New Testament, Bible)

Now that I have shed my tears in public
let me share these two smileys with you.

12 Fertilize my soul:

Felisol said...

Dear Amrita,
I am familiar with your feelings, and there is not really and comfort I can give.
This hurts.
I'm glad you found the durable comforting words from the Scripture.

The wheel of life is turning, soon we will become the eldest of our generation.
In my mind I have to accept the fact, but emotionally it hurts.
A lot.
From Felisol

Olde Dame Penniwig said...

It's very hard to lose a lot of family quickly. As the youngest of a very large family, I have seen most all of my blood kin pass already. My husband has no one at all left alive! It is lonely. But, we can make it! But it is far from pleasant to think of being "alone." I wish I could offer wise words but failing that, I just offer you my caring and a hope that you don't face the loss of your mom or beloved pet soon.

madison said...

I'm glad your mother's feeling better. And you to. Hopefully what ever she had has run it's course.
Over here, in my little area, we have a virus going around that lasts anywhere from 3 to 7 days! The only thing you can really do for it is rest, drink lots of fluids and take tylenol. That needs to stay away from me, lol.

Gerry said...

I do feel that when one relationship ends with death, there is still the feeling of survival which occurred with my sister who died of cancer, and the family has learned how to picture her among us and see her sign. I have felt the presence of these caring spirits so strong after death I never think of them as being gone, but distant. And sometimes they manifest in such strong ways you are again comforted and know you have not really lost them after all. I know with faith that will happen with you and there will be opportunity for other relationships on earth to take their earthly place so to speak. Gerry

Vicki said...

Like Felisol said,I don't feel I have any comforting words, but God's Word holds us up so many times - through life, sickness, and sorrow, even death. Rest in Him, dear sister. My heart goes out to you with great empathy as I helped care for my own ailing parents a few years ago who died from cancer. Initially, there was great sadness and heaviness of heart, but the Lord's presence was also real and comforting. Still, it's painful to watch our parents' health deteriorate. God ministered to my father in amazing ways, through the hospice chaplain & visiting nurses. For my mother, God sent a special neighbor who was incredibly giving of herself when I wasn't there on certain days (I lived out of town). And so the burden wasn't entirely on me or all my siblings, but God carried us all, giving what was needed, day by day.

Still praying for your mother, and for you. Being a caregiver is so stressful and wearying and even depressing - normal responses to such an emotional experience. Lean into Him. I'm thankful for the way you've shared your heart here, and won't stop praying. This is a very difficult time for you, dear sister. But you are loved and lifted to His throne daily.

With affectionate love in Christ,

Kathryn said...

Amrita, I am living for the promise of Revelation 21:3-5 when the Lord will make everything new, and we will hear: "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and He will live with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

In the meantime, I take comfort (and know that you do, as well) in the fact that He will "never leave nor forsake us".

Blessings, dear friend.

Julia Dutta said...

HI Amrita,
I am happy she has recovered slowly and brave girl, I like your honesty. Only strong people are willing to admit their weakness too:))

monsoon-dreams said...

i understand exactly how u feel now.dont worry dear.i'm glad that ma is :-)

Paresh Palicha said...

Ben, thanks for posting this. I get panicky when I get negative thoughts about my loved ones (in addition I'm physically totally dependent on them). My days have virtually become 24 hrs, am scared to go to bed until I'm falling off the chair. If I go to bed on time and lose sleep in between & don't hear them snoring, the rest of the night becomes hell. Thanks once again. Hope Ma is better now. God bless you.

MeMaw said...

So sorry your mother is in ill health. May the Lord comfort you,send you peace and give you much strength during these trying days!

Mel Avila Alarilla said...

Hi Amrita,
We must banish fear in our hearts and lean on the strength and grace of our God. He knows what is best for all of us. Psalm 23:4 says, "even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for You are with Me, Your rod and your staff they comfort me." Death is a natural occurrence for mortal man. All of us must pass its portal one day. We just have to trust in the unfailing love and mercy of God to see us through all adversities. Thanks for your inspiring post. God bless you always.

JoAnn's-D-Eyes said...

Hi dear friend,
Haven't visited any blogs lately but yours now, I am wondering how you are dong and now I know, its not easy to live your life, I know. Thanks for sharing I understand how you feel and wishing you all my love and friendship.

Hug from JoAnn/Holland