Wednesday, 6 May 2009

Operation Desert Storm

This morning Pastor and his wife took Mom and me to the hospital for tests. Everything went well.
When the doctors started the ultra sound , one of them asked me if I had a previous report. I told him I had it and had shown it to the chief surgeon.
Now that must have been a routine question but it started a conveyor belt of fearful thoughts in my mind. I presumed that he asked me that because he had seen something terrible inside Mom...some horrible malignant growth or tumor. And I was too afraid to ask him about it.
I tried to appear normal to everyone but my mind was sweating terror droplets of fear. Pastor offered to pick up the reports in the evening but I politely declined his kind offer saying I could do it.
Reasoning in my mind that if the report was alarming then I should see it alone and discuss it with the doctor all by myself.
I am sharing this with you because I want to tell you friends that I forgot the promise God gave us yesterday in our devotions -
"But they did not understand what He was saying to them,-This sickness will not end unto death.No, it is for God 's glory so that God 's Son may be glorified through it." (Gospel of John)
The devil erased its memory from my mind and injected me with thoughts of fear and dread. I had a terrible day with this internal "operation desert storm" against my soul.
I reached the hospital much ahead of the report dispensing time. I was literally shaking when the hospital staff handed the report to me.
I nearly tore open the envelope to read it collapsing on a chair. There was nothing unusual in it. Gradually relief fluttered down on me like icy cold snowflakes.
I met the surgeon later on and he gave me the nod to admit mother. We will do that on May 14th, God willing.
I nearly lost to Goliath today because I forgot God 's promise .
We are on the winning team.
Please continue to pray for us.

21 Fertilize my soul:

Janice: AKA Nanny said...

Hi Amitra,
We all fall victim to Satan's wiles along the way, but God is faithful to reclaim our minds when we return our thoughts to Him. I am thankful for your witness. I will be praying for your Mom.

Olde Dame Penniwig said...

Amrita, you are under a terrible strain! No wonder you became fearful. It sounds almost like a panic attack.

They ask for those "prior reports" all the time. They like to "compare and contrast" them to what they see now.

Your poor nerves! So glad to hear you are now settling down and getting comfort from your scriptures.

I'll still be holding a good thought for you and your mom. Hang in there!

sherri said...


Sheryl said...

Oh, Amrita, bless your sweet heart! Your concern for your mother is touching. We sure all fall victim to satan's schemes. I am trying to remember God's promises as satan continues to attack.

So glad that your mom's report was a good one. Will continue to pray.

Bestemor Aud said...

Fights like this is well known to me too. I really know what fear and anxiety is - hard to learn that it comes from satan. But thank God, he is merciful and know where we live: where satan's throne is. But it shall not last forever! Halleluja! Yes we are on the winning team!!
I will remember you and your mom. Great to have a sister in faith in India!

~Robin said...

Yes, thank you for this testimony Amrits, and Thank God for His sustaining promises!!

Felisol said...

Dear Amrita,
How many of our fear do come true?
Fear nothing, but fear itself.
I've heard it a thousand times. When you're in the situation, I often react like you do.
Now I will rejoice with you that everything went well, and that your mother is home again.
From Felisol

Mel Avila Alarilla said...

I will pray for you as I have been always praying for you. The enemy looks at people praying for other people with a ferocious face knowing the damage that these people do to his kingdom. But take heart my friend, for God's marvelous promises will keep us safe against the severest onslaught of the enemy. The enemy loves to see fear etched in the Dface of a child of God. As the Bible says, "let us fixed our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith" (Hebrews 12:2a) and "Submit yourself then to God, resist the devil and he will flee from you. Come near to God and He will come near to you" (James 4:7-8) The Lord will never leave you nor forsake you. Entrust your mother and yourself in the mighty arms of the Lord and He will deliver you from all anxieties. Thanks for your post. God bless you always.

Mel Avila Alarilla said...

I made a prayer request for you and your mother at my Random Thoughts blog. I hope this will help you and your mom. Thank you so much. God bless you and your mom.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you recovered your equanimity, it can be hard to do dealing with fear & illness on a long-term basis.
I am so pleased you have the pastor & his wife to lean on a bit. ~Mary

ps email any time.

Sita said...

My recent posts have been dealing with 'fear'. I have noticed it thick 'in the air' so to speak. The news about the economy, job losses, swine flu..people are on edge...
and guess who is capitalizing?...we know fear does not come from God and there are 365 times that "Do not fear" is mentioned in Scripture..isn't that insightful? One for each day..?

I agree with one of your commenters..sounds like you had a panic attack, brought on by the 'load' you've been carrying. I should know, I am privy to those..
now, doing the Beth Moore "Esther", I am learning that I must refer those thoughts to Jesus if I have given Him control.."Lord, is this true? Can You deal with it please, I can't..."
What a battle it is...a battle for our minds and preoccupation...
I'll remember to uphold you...even if our 'worst scenario' happens,we will have 'down' time, but we will get up because He reigns...
Love you,

Louise said...

Dearest Amrita, I am praying for you and your Mom ... and I understand the fear you experienced as I've had such episodes myself. So often I ask our precious Lord, for His Name's sake, to rebuke the devourer over my thoughts ... the battle is His and we are the blessed recipients of His grace and mercy. We need to remind one another of these things and help carry one another's burdens.

Kathryn said...

I'm glad that your worry was unfounded, & that you made it thru. Isn't it wonderful that God is faithful & up holds us, even when we forget to recognize that? He's just there waiting for us to turn to him.

I'm praying for you & your mother. I hope things become a little less stressful for you. :)

Saija said...

you went to battle ... and the Lord gave you the victory ... i pray that continues as you care for your mom ... ((hugs))

Julie said...

The minds fears are hard to put at rest and does play tricks on your calm and resolve. Glad it was a good report.

Deare Diary said...

What a good reminder for us to trust him always and forget not his benefits. God bless your mom with a successful surgery and fast recovery.

John Cowart said...

"Humble yourself under the mighty hand of God that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him--For He careth for you.

Gerry said...

I am hoping your mother will be reassured once she is through the procedure so she can calm down. And you, too. Too much stress too often can indeed destroy tranquility. Let us hope that you will soon have it back! Gerry

Joseph Pulikotil said...

Hi Amrita:)

I am very relieved to read the last part your post when you said that nothing was wrong with your mother’s report.

It was terrifying to read the post till almost the end. You have clearly portrayed your feeling by using words like conveyor belt of fearful thoughts, sweating terror droplets of fear, devil injected me with thoughts of fear, collapsing on a chair etc.

The photo you have posted inspires courage and confidence.

My prayers and best wishes to you and mother. God will surely help your mother to get well.

Crown of Beauty said...

My dear Amrita,
Your sense of humor in writing this post had me laughing all by myself in front of my laptop while reading your post.

I can very well relate to what you wrote.

Amrita, I also want you to know that I;ve finished the game of TAG that you invited me to play. I dedicated my May 7 post to you.


Terry said...

oh amrita!!
what a relief!
i can understand your fear though.
when i was so much going with dad golden to the hospital when his ateries were blocked and he needed that serious opeatation, i was always being fearful but knowing that god was in control and all of you dear christian blogging friends praying for him.
i will ever be thankful and now the same ones are praying for mama!
love terry